Are Unhealthy Relationships Habit Forming?
I read a very interesting article on the affect habits have on our daily lives. Although the article, Obesity and Overeating: How to Break a Bad Habit, deals with ways to avoid overeating, those same ideas could be used in any area of life. Studies referred to in the article show cues in our environment trigger the pattern of any given habit. Movies and eating popcorn, for instance, are linked by habitual behavior for most of us. By changing one or more of the cues we can interrupt the pattern of the habit. Study participants who ate with their non dominant hand or watched a movie in a conference room rather than a theater were able to break the habit of mindlessly eating a bag of popcorn.
So how can we use this information to break our bad dating and relationship habits?
The weekend rolls around again and you feel the need to be on a date. The cue is the weekend without plans. The habit is finding someone, anyone to spend it with whether that person is worthy of your time and attention or not. Make plans with friends on Monday for the upcoming weekend. I’m not saying to call your friends and plan to go trolling at the local bar. Find an activity that doesn’t easily lend itself to hooking up; like bowling, local sporting events, or even ice skating. The key is to do something different and think about what you are doing while you are doing it instead of just defaulting to autopilot! Focus on the enjoyment of the activity and having fun with your friends.
Perhaps you are already in a relationship with yet another needy person who is looking to be rescued by you. This could be a friendship or romantic relationship. You are a caring person and enjoy helping others, but eventually you feel taken advantage of, become resentful and break things off. Here the cue is seeing someone in need. The habit is trying to fix them and thinking they will love you for it in return. It’s great to be empathetic and want to help others. Look for opportunities to volunteer your time to a worthy cause to get the fulfillment that comes from helping others. Besides, it’s actually easier to find a great person worth dating than to date a person and change them into someone who is worthy of you.
- Could relationship mistakes we make over and over be bad habits we can learn to break? Why or why not?
- Identify relationship mistakes you have made repeatedly. Do they seem related with the same cues and outcomes?
- Identify the cues that trigger the unhealthy relationship behaviors and look for alternatives.
- How were you able to break the habit by removing the cues and consciously doing something different?
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Do You See Chips in the Windshield or the Road Ahead?
I was so proud of myself for buying a “new to me” car shortly after I left my abuser. I had limited funds, as you can imagine, and even fewer choices of what would fit my budget. However, I was able to find a very reliable car in good condition, but more importantly it was my favorite color and had a sun roof!
The process of selling the minivan, which had payments I could not afford, researching cars and negotiating a good deal was a new and scary experience for me. I had doubts along the way, but I learned I am capable of doing what needs to be done. I was very encouraged by my renewed independence and sense of accomplishment.
I was still riding high the weekend after purchasing my car and was driving down the highway listening to music and enjoying the sunny weather when I heard a crack. The truck in front of me kicked up a rock and chipped my windshield. My heart sank. There it was, a chip the size of a nickel slightly above and to the left of eye level. I could not help but look at it. It mocked me and my new positive feelings about myself.
The next morning when I got in the car the chip was all I could see; it distracted me while I drove to school and I nearly missed my turn. I realized I was too focused on the chip in the windshield to see where I was going. I had let something that was an unfortunate inconvenience turn into a major disaster in my mind because I was unable to focus on anything else. I made the decision to put the chip in perspective and focus on rebuilding my life. So I took a deep breath, turned up the radio, opened the sunroof and focussed on the road ahead.
In life you get what you focus on. It doesn’t matter if you are looking for four leaf clovers or weeds in the yard. They are both there, but it is up to you which you decide to notice.
- What chips on your windshield are keeping you from focusing on what is truly important?
- How can you chose to not be distracted by the little things in life?
- List at least three positive things you can focus on instead.
- Remind yourself of these things often, and keep adding new items daily.
Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2011Nature Abhors a Vacuum
When talking about the lack of healthy boundaries one of the ladies in our group made a great point. When you fail to set your own boundaries, they will likely be uncomfortably placed by those around you. I had never thought of not having boundaries in quite that way.
Think about it, if you don’t ask a coworker to please stay out of your office if you aren’t there you could find him looking through your desk drawers the next time he’s in your office alone. If you aren’t clear about how and when you expect money you loaned a friend to be paid back you may never see it again. When you send mixed signals to your daughter by letting her have dessert even though she did not eat her vegetables you can be sure she won’t eat them in the future either.
Although it maybe uncomfortable to establish boundaries if you aren’t used to doing so it will be more painful if you allow others to set them for you. The other person may not have your best interest in mind. They may continue to push the limit just to see how far they can go. Let people know you are setting healthy boundaries with this format: Although I have allowed , I prefer from now on.
See my previous post, Healthy Boundaries: Begin With the End in Mind, if you need more tips.
- List situations in which you have failed to set healthy boundaries.
- How were boundaries set for you by others in those situations?
- Where would you prefer to have set each boundary?
- Practice your boundary setting statements with a trusted friend until you are comfortable sharing them with those who have crossed your boundary.
Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2011Don’t you hate it when Mom was right after all?
I was thinking back about first date jitters and all the nervous excitement that goes with it. What should I wear, how should I act and what should I say?!? My mom’s advice was always the same. Just be yourself. Don’t groan at the cliché and simply dismiss it like I did. At the time, ‘just be yourself’ made no sense at all. First of all, I didn’t know who myself was and second, deep down all that mattered was getting him to like me.
Now I know it’s timeless advice for a reason; because it is true. Yes, it pains me to admit Mom was right, but I wanted to share it with you anyway. Here are four ways not being yourself can backfire.
By pretending to be someone you aren’t you are placing more value on the other person than yourself. Your feelings should matter most, especially in the early getting to know you stage. He needs to prove he is worthy of you, not the other way around. You devalue yourself in your own eyes (and his too, probably) when you say you enjoy activities you don’t, always defer to his preferences, and compromise your values in order to not rock the boat. I’m not saying to demand getting your way, but you should make your true thoughts and feelings known to allow for compromise.
When you act like the person you think your date wants you to be you are lying about who you are. What do you do once you are convinced he likes you? You don’t know if he likes the person you pretend to be or the glimpses of the real you he has gotten to see. Eventually, the truth will come out because you can only keep the charade going for so long. Then he will wonder why you changed once you let your guard down and feel comfortable being your true self.
You deprive the other person from getting to know the real you. The unique things about you might just be what he finds attractive. Give him some credit, there had to be something about you he liked. What makes you think he will like the fake you better than the real you, anyway?
Soon you will come to resent the very things you pretended to like. You used to like spending all day every Saturday making dryer lint animals. Now the thought of wasting one more minute with that fuzzy stuff you are allergic to makes your blood boil. Is that his fault for having a weird hobby or yours for not telling him how you really feel?
- In what ways have you pretended to be the person you thought your date wanted you to be? How did that work out for you?
- What was the motivation to not be yourself?
- What is the worst thing that could have happened if you had been yourself? Is that a realistic possibility?
- Is compromising who you are worth the trade off of just getting to spending time with someone?
Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2011Did I mention I was a slow learner?
Several years ago, when my husband and I were just dating, I realized something that was sadly profound. It is very true and important in a relationship but something I really should have already known by the age of 35.
David and I were on our third or fourth date, driving to dinner and having a wonderful time. We were talking, laughing and finding new things we had in common as we always did when we were together. Then I turned to him and said, “I’m having so much fun I would want to hang out with you even if we weren’t dating!”
It immediately hit me that I should have felt that way all along about anyone I went on a date with. As this lost lesson was cemented in my mind, I wondered how come I never knew that before. What about David was different?
David was, and still is, an attractive, intelligent, funny, kind and patient man. But he wasn’t the only reason things were going so well in our budding relationship. I genuinely enjoyed spending time with him! What a concept.
I had finally gotten to the point in my life where I didn’t NEED a man. I had gone back to school, moved out of state, bought a house and lived everyday life all without a man to help me. I knew I was capable of doing what needed to be done (Well, that’s not entirely true..God did most of it and I tried not to mess up what he was doing). Having a man in my life was a bonus, not a necessity. Knowing that, even on a subconscious level, made all the difference.
Being a whole person all on my own meant I didn’t need a man to complete, provide for or protect me. Because I wasn’t desperate to find a man, any man, I was free to be choosy about who I spent my time with. So I chose to spend time with someone who I’d like to be friends with.
- Describe your current relationship situation. Are you in, out, looking for or not interested in one?
- Think of a time when you had a relationship with someone you would not have been friends with otherwise. Looking back, describe your feelings about yourself. Did you feel capable and confident or needy and desperate?
- In what ways are you capable of being on your own? List several things you have taken care of without the help of another. What else could you do if you tried?
Healthy Boundaries: Begin With the End in Mind Part II
This is a continuation from my last post. You can find the first two steps here: Healthy Boundaries: Begin With the End in Mind
Step 3: Be in Control of How You Respond
First, I want to point out the difference between react and respond. When I hear the word react I think of overreacting and split second judgement. Someone says something offensive, the other person yells back and tempers flare. That is an example of a reaction. When I think of the word respond I envision a reporter interviewing an expert on a certain subject. The expert has formulated in her mind the point she wants to make before the question is even asked. That is a well thought out response.
Now let’s look at the control part of the step Be in Control of How You Respond. Basically, all you can control is you. You can’t make someone be on time, give you compliments, hold down a job, or treat you in a loving manner. That being said you still have control over you. The control you have is very important and more powerful than you may have realized. You control who you choose to spend time with, the words that come out of your mouth and how you respond to those who try to cross your boundaries. Let me say that again. You are in control of how you respond.
Step 4: When Someone Steps Out of Bounds
First of all, keep in mind that you can’t expect someone to read your mind and know where your boundaries are. Some boundaries are crossed without the other person even knowing. Other times, a person may intentionally try to hurt you by crossing your boundaries. How you respond will help you tell the difference. If someone continues to cross a boundary you have clearly stated then they don’t respect you or your boundaries.
Once upon a time, when I was much younger and had few boundaries, I dated a guy who was always late for our dates. I never told him how much it bothered me so nothing changed. One day I broke up with him because he didn’t seem to care about my feelings. He was baffled. I don’t know if he cared about my feelings or not because I didn’t let him know punctuality was important to me. In that situation it would have been better to respond by asking if something happened to make him late the first time and give him the benefit of the doubt. The second time the best response would have been telling him that my time is valuable and please be on time to pick me up or call if you are going to be late. One of three things would have happened next: He would be on time for the next date, he would be late for the next date, or he wouldn’t ask me out for another date.
Either of the scenarios is OK with me. I would just continue to be in control of how I respond. If he shows up on time, great! If he is late, I am no longer available 15 minutes past our agreed upon time. He will get the message I expect him to be on time or I will decline future invitations if he doesn’t. If he doesn’t ask me out again, that’s good too because who wants to waste time waiting around for some unreliable guy who can’t get anywhere on time?
It may not seem like I had control in the example above, because I didn’t know what he was going to do. That is true, but I was still in control of me. What I wanted was a date who was respectful of me by being on time. All of the possible outcomes ensured I would only date someone who was on time.
Here are the step by step actions to take to take when someone crosses a boundary of yours:
- State the boundary the has been cross or is close to being crossed
- Identify the areas of the situation you can control; your words and actions
- List the possible outcomes
- Plan your response for each possible outcome
- Let the other person be responsible for their choice
- Respond according to your plan
Step 5: Practice Makes Perfect
Healthy boundaries are not something you establish once and forget. You will always be meeting and interacting with new people. Your attitudes and boundaries may change overtime, as well. The more you practice setting healthy boundaries at work, with friends, family and in romantic relationships the easier it will become to maintain them.
If you are having difficulty creating or maintaining boundaries, leave a brief explanation of your situation in the Wouldn’t You Like to Know section. I will help you identify the areas you can control in the situation, the possible outcomes, as well as reasonable ways to respond.
Thanks again for reading my blog!
Healthy Boundaries: Begin With the End in Mind
I’m sure you are familiar with the saying ”begin with the end in mind” when talking about goal setting. Did you know you can apply the same reasoning to establishing healthy boundaries, too? Deciding what is acceptable and not acceptable ahead of time will save heartache in the end. As my husband, David, likes to say, if you are on a first date making out in the back seat of a car while trying to figure out where your boundaries are, it is too late! Hormones, emotions and circumstances are playing too big a part in your decisions at that point. What about accepting a date with someone because you have nothing better to do and a few months later find yourself in a relationship you didn’t really want to be in. Rather than let things happen without any forethought, lets look at the steps you can take now to establish healthy boundaries.
Step 1: Envision your Healthy Relationship
Try to paint a vivid picture of your healthy relationship; who the person is, what makes them tick, what an average date looks like and how much time you spend together. Do this even if you are already in a relationship. Be careful to avoid censoring your own thoughts. Doing so limits your potential healthy relationship.
Write down your answers to these questions to help you get started:
- What character qualities are you looking for in a partner?
- In what areas should you be on the same page? Spiritual beliefs, likes and dislikes, hobbies, goal of the relationship, etc.
- What level of education or career goals do you envision this person having?
- What physical characteristics do you find attractive?
- At what pace do you expect the physical side of the relationship to progress?
- What other factors are important to you?
Is it realistic to expect this outcome? In most cases, YES! It is normal for you to want and possible for you to have a loving relationship where your partner treats you with kindness and respect on a daily basis.
Personally, I rarely set my standards too high. Usually they were dismally low. It is important to look at both ends of the spectrum here. It is more likely if you have had unhealthy and unsuccessful relationships in the past you are aiming too low; not too high. Be aware, too, that an Olympic gold medalist with blond hair and blue eyes who speaks five languages, is a multimillionaire, shares your love of underwater basket weaving, is under the age of 35 and lives within 20 miles of your house because you don’t do long distance relationships may be a little too specific. If what you came up with sounds like that, go back and focus more on what the relationship looks like.
Step 2: Identify Your Boundaries
Few people know where their boundaries are until they feel the pain of having them crossed. Think about the past dates and relationship experiences. What issues or behaviors did you not like, caused hurt feelings and resentment, or were deal breakers for you? The items on this list are clues to where your boundaries are, regardless if you allowed someone to cross them in the past. If you are having difficulty, try stating your boundaries with this format: I am the kind of person who will not … then listing varying degrees on that issue. For instance if in the past you went on a few dates with a smoker and it bothered you, identify exactly where your boundary is on that issue like this:
I am the kind of person who will not…
Date someone who smokes.
Be in the presence of someone while they are smoking.
Allow someone to smoke in my home or car.
Kiss someone who smells like smoke.
Maybe you are fine dating a smoker, but you just don’t want to smell it or perhaps the issue is a deal breaker for you. Only you can determine exactly where your boundary is. This may seem like an easy decision and overly simplified, but don’t underestimate how tough it is to make a call like this after you have an emotional bond with someone. That is why healthy boundaries are best made in advance and without your emotions coming in to play.
Go through your list and identify your boundaries in as many areas as you can. The more clear you can be with where your boundaries now, the easier it will be to handle sticky situations later.
We will continue looking at establishing healthy boundaries in my next post. Take your time with envisioning your healthy relationship and identifying your boundaries. These are important building blocks for the foundation of your healthy relationship.
I welcome comments and feedback so I can continue to improve the Lost Lessons blog. Thanks for reading!
Click here to continue reading Healthy Boundaries: Begin With the End in Mind Part II
Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2011Would you change the past?
My husband and his brother were reminiscing about their glory days on a recent visit. As we waited for a table at a popular downtown restaurant we noticed many young prom goers dressed in their gowns and tuxes scurrying around as if the entire future of their lives revolved around this one night. We pondered the question what, if anything, would you do differently if you could go back and change your high school experience? As we bantered ideas back and forth many things came up. The value of being involved in school clubs, studying more or studying less, dating strategies and the like were debated. Unfortunately, our name was called and the discussion abruptly ended as we made our way to the table.
My mind returned to the lingering question a few days later, after we returned home. My initial reaction had been not to change a thing. After all, in spite of a few rough patches, I grew up to be a contributing member of society. Some of that thinking stems from my Pollyanna attitude and revisionist history; the rest from my belief that the experiences of my past, good and bad, made me who I am today. After further consideration I’m not so sure.
How different would things be had I not been taken advantage of by an older neighborhood boy? Would my self esteem have remained intact allowing me to have healthy boundaries and avoid an abusive marriage? Would I have done better in school and not had to return to college at 31 in search of a career to support myself and my daughter? Would I still have had a positive impact on the lives of countless patients going through radiation therapy? How would I have still have had the opportunity to meet David, my best friend and husband? Would my faith in God be as strong as it is, had I not fully relied on Him to carry me when I felt like I couldn’t carry on?
All I can think of is the movie The Butterfly Effect. Ashton Kutcher’s character repeatedly returns to the past to fix problems in the present only to find he is messing things up more and more each time he changes something. I tend to agree. Although not everything in life is easy, fun or even fair, we must go through the struggles and trials to learn about ourselves and become who we are meant to be.
- What, if anything, would you change about the past?
- Identify a past struggle in your life. What lesson did you learn from the experience?
- Had you not experienced that event, what would you have missed the opportunity to learn about yourself? In what ways are you better off with this knowledge?
- Is there a lesson to be found in a current issue or problem you are dealing with?
- Write a letter from your future self to your present self explaining what you will learn by going through this experience and how the situation will be resolved. Considering your letter, what steps do you need to take to move forward?
I want to thank you for reading my blog. I encourage you to post any question, comment or feedback you have so that I may continue to improve this site.
You are worth the effort!
In my work as a radiation therapist, I saw many courageous women battling breast cancer. Most of them had their good days and bad days during the course of their treatment. I do remember one woman, however, who seemed to always have a rain cloud constantly above her head. It was difficult to watch her struggle with the hair loss, painful pink skin and an overall feeling of what’s the use.
One Monday morning when I called her name in the waiting room a well dressed, beautiful, confident woman with a smile on her face stood up instead. I did a double take then realized it was my “Eeyore” patient! I could not believe her transformation. After pouring on the compliments I excitedly asked her what had happened over the weekend to cause a drastic inward and outward change.
She told me “I remembered I am worth the effort. I haven’t worn make up in months because I haven’t felt up to it. Then I stopped putting on matching clothes and going for comfortable sweats instead. I thought it was easier to not bother with my appearance, but every time I looked in the mirror I saw someone who looked sick and depressed and I felt even worse! I didn’t want to look or feel that way anymore. Friday after treatment I got a therapeutic massage. After a peaceful nap I took a long shower. Then, for the first time since I bought it, I put on my wig. I felt like I was faking or acting at first. Then I smiled at myself in the mirror. It was me in there, me-not the cancer patient. It was easier to dress and put on makeup the next morning. By today I was having fun putting my outfit together and looking forward to getting here to show you I clean up pretty good! Just like not bothering with my appearance made me feel worse, making the effort to look good on the outside actually made me feel better on the inside.”
Have you forgotten you are worth the effort? Strange as it may sound, sometimes its the little things that make life worth living. It makes you feel better to get dressed and fix your hair and put on makeup even if no one but you is going to see it. Taking your dog for a walk and feeling the sun on your skin, getting reacquainted with a hobby you no longer feel like you have time to enjoy, or starting that book you’ve been meaning to read may be just the pick me up you need. Right now look at your reflection in a mirror. Brush your hair and go ahead and put on some lipstick. Then smile at yourself. Do you see her in there? The young woman full of promise, the one who liked to laugh, the one who was strong enough to overcome obstacles in her path? Look closely now, deep in the eyes and I bet you can see her. Say hello and remind her she is worth the effort.
- Have you short changed yourself recently by not taking the time to do things you normally enjoy or not getting dressed and made up because it was too much trouble?
- What excuses have you used on yourself not to make the effort? If you knew you would feel better would you invest time and effort in yourself?
- List one different thing you will do each day this week to help yourself feel better. Make the effort and follow through with each item on your list.
- How did you feel afterward each day? Was it hard at first? Did you stick with it for the entire week? Why?
If you like Cut the Rope…
then I think you’ll really like this story! I first read “The Bridge” about six years ago and find myself retelling it and referring others to it very often. Edwin H. Friedman’s words hit home with me and helped me gain some much needed perspective. Read “The Bridge” then come back for insightful questions. Don’t peak at the questions before you read the story! Don’t worry, the link opens in a new page so you won’t lose this page. Enjoy!
- Do you identify with either man; the one holding the rope or the one dangling from the bridge?
- Was it wrong to hand the man on the bridge the rope? For the man to accept the rope?
- What do you think about the man on the bridge letting go of the rope?
- In what ways have you handed your rope to someone else? What happened when they held on or let go?
- When you have held someone else’s rope which responsibilities of theirs did you take?
- Have you let go of the rope? What allowed you to do that or what is keeping you from that?
If a blog is published on the web and no one reads it, does it still make an impact?
I have been “planning” a blog for some time now. I actually published something just a few moments ago, my FAQs (which is funny because obviously there haven’t been any questions asked, let alone frequently asked ones). Although it makes me nervous, I was able to make the very important transition from planning to doing. I had gotten somewhat bogged down spending time researching the how-tos of blogging, picking a domain name, deciding on the style of the page, writing a few posts before hand to make sure I wasn’t going to run out of things to say after two weeks and have to stop and lots of other procrastinating type busy work.
Last week I overheard a mother and daughter having a conversation while debating which pair of knee socks to buy for upcoming volleyball try outs. The daughter was going back and forth between which socks were going to attract the most attention from the judges to not even wanting to try out at all. The mother reminded her of all the time and effort she had put in practicing. The daughter waffled and said she didn’t have her serve just right and maybe it would be best to wait until next year so she would have more time to practice. The mother reassured her daughter about what she does well and that she has a very good chance at making the team. I love what she said next. “If you don’t try you have a 100% chance of not making the team. I promise you will be more disappointed in yourself for not trying than by doing your best and not being picked for the team.” As the striped versus polka dot sock debate continued, I moved on and secretly hoped the girl was learning to believe in herself and not quit before she even started.
I realized that mom’s pep talk did me some good, too! Why was I agonizing over which template style to use instead of starting my blog? It doesn’t have to be perfect the first day, the first week, or ever for that matter. I had wasted enough time avoiding action by making choices and rearranging words on a page that no one but me could see. If I didn’t even start then I would be more disappointed than if I created a blog that no one read.
Yes, I do think a blog no one reads still makes an impact. It will have an impact on me. I did something I wasn’t sure I could do so I am changed for the good. That makes the experience worth it to me. I do, however, hope this blog will be worthwhile for you as well.
- List one or two things you would like to accomplish.
- What are you waiting to get “perfect” before you proceed?
- How has worrying about the details rather than taking action effected your enthusiasm?
- How will you feel in 6 days, 6 weeks and 6 months if you haven’t made any real progress?
- What is one action you can take today to move closer to seeing your plans come to life?
- Thanks for reading. Come back next week to read more!
FAQs
Who are you?
My name is Sara. I am much more than the roles I play: Christ follower, Wife, Mother, Daughter, Sister, Friend, Activist, Volunteer. The things I do are the easiest to list but say very little about who I actually am.
As an extreme optimist I don’t just wear rose colored glasses, I have rose colored corneas! I don’t pretend to be perfect or have it all together. I just know I try to mess up less today than I did yesterday. With this blog, I hope to share with you some of the lost lessons I’ve discovered along the way. I’d also like to learn from your experiences as well. Life isn’t always easy or fun, but it is certainly an adventure so make the most of it!
How did the lessons get lost?
My adolescence was the perfect recipe for disaster: start with the shame of sexual abuse, stir in poor choices, then add a dash of low self esteem and let steep for a few lonely years until it boils over in an abusive marriage. Somehow while trying to survive growing up I missed out on some very important lessons. You may have grown up in poverty, come from a broken home, survived abuse or neglect, or come from an average family and just missed out on some things that no one bothered to tell you.
What are the lost lessons?
Not everyone lost the same lessons. For instance I have always known how to look on the bright side and to not buy things I can’t afford to pay for. I’m sure at some point you have thought to yourself, “why didn’t anyone tell me this before?” That was you learning a lost lesson. Here are a few of the lost lessons I have learned: I am worthy, Be yourself, Failing to forgive another hurts only me, and Saying no is not mean. Learning the lost lessons makes life happier and more fulfilling.
How did you find them?
Life experience uncovers more lost lessons all the time! I have had many unsuccessful relationships (basically my entire dating life), ranging from unhealthy, to codependent and abusive. I did not learn how to be myself in a relationship until a few years ago. Its amazing to me that I didn’t know how to do that earlier. Thankfully, I am now able to put all my skills to good use and am enjoying a wonderful marriage to my extraordinary husband, David.
What makes you qualified to tell us anything?
Maybe nothing. I’m not a licensed counselor or some New-Age know it all. But I do know its not too late to find out, and more importantly, to put into practice what we should have known all along. I volunteer at my local crisis center and facilitate a support group for domestic violence survivors. I see many overarching themes in my life and in the lives of the women I have come into contact with as they rebuild their lives. Because I had to learn many of the same lost lessons myself I know its not just me, thank goodness.
So can I learn the lost lessons, too?
First of all, thanks for sticking with me through all these questions. I can already tell you are going to be one of my best readers! Yes, you can learn the lost lessons.
How can I learn them?
You can learn them the hard way, like I did, which I wouldn’t suggest. Or you can read my blog and learn from my experiences. My blog consists of posts with stories; some real, some imagined, followed by journalling questions. My hope is that you will read the entry and journal your answers to the questions. You might answer one question a day or answer all of them over the weekend when you have more uninterrupted time. I realize most people don’t follow directions anyway so feel free to do your own thing. If the story makes you think of something in a new or different way then it may be part of a lost lesson for you.